There's this rhetoric that sometimes happens in churches..."I used to be an addict/alcoholic/other really big struggle, then I got saved." At least one person in every church I have ever attended has told me this story in some variation.
So I thought that some day I would walk to the front of a church and my struggle would magically be over.
When I was 16 my boyfriends church asked all the people who didn't know they were going to heaven to come to the front. I was Catholic, and 16 so I was pretty sure the best I was aiming for was purgatory. They said I got saved. I thought "yahoo....I'll be a miracle now." I was still just a confused and messy 16 year old, but now one who read the Bible.
When I was 19 I was a fairly drunk and slutty college student. I wrote God a letter outlining how I knew this was probably not what I was supposed to be doing, but that also I was having a lot of fun and I hoped he would still be there when I was ready to clean up my act. And I gradually turned into a slightly less drunk slightly less promiscuous Sarah.
When I was 21 I was dating an abusive felon. I went to my friend Mandy and Jeremiah 's wedding and she was dressed like a princess and his dad said great things about their love and I thought "God, I want something like that." And over the next year I became someone who went from dating people who were really bad for me to people who were ok but not great.
Honestly, the good but not great period lasted for a long time. Even when I found a husband who was great, I was still doing good, not great. Even when I gave birth to healthy babies, good not great. Even when I lost 30 lbs...good not great. I was depressed for a lot of this time and it was good not great.
When I was 37 depression hit rock bottom for me. I walked up to the front of my church and prayed. The next day I was still depressed. For 6 more months I was really depressed. I was really mad at God because I kept walking to the fronts of churches and not becoming a miraculously good human.
But I started doing something different. I started visualizing my heart as a lock and asked God to crack it open. And very very slowly he did. It's 2 years later and I finally feel like I have stepped in to the truth of the life I was meant to live.
As a coach, I am often advised by smart business-y people to make a big promise that I can deliver on in a specific amount of time. And I have really struggled with what is my big promise. I tried weight loss (then I gained all the weight back and figured I did not have a good plan). I tried manifesting, but I am quite honestly still waiting for that ball of money to fall on my head, so I figured I didn't have a very good plan. slutty wedding dresses
But here is my big promise, I will coach you through the sticky middle. The part where you move from believing there is one diet, workout or action that will make you a miracle to believing that loving yourself is a journey that looks a lot more like a really long roller coaster. Because my area of expertise is really living, breathing and working through the sticky middle of becoming the miracle that God intended you to be.