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In the summer of 2013, I had to rush to the emergency room 3 times in the middle of the night; unable to breath. It is horrifying to not be able to breath. I am not one who is afraid to die. I am ready to leave the billions of problems of this world immediately; except for the fact that I wanted to be here for my remaining pets, family members and loved ones. But for myself, I was ready to go immediately! I relish the thought of oblivion! But, in spite of not fearing death, I have discovered that I am terrified of not being able to breath. And I have also discovered that the inability to breath causes an extreme panic attack. It is as if I am drowning under an ocean of water. And when one is having such a panic attack, one can not think clearly to get to the cause of the problem and fix it.
I wanted my mom, sister and best friend to come be with me when the breathing was impossible. I felt I needed someone in the house when I slept and the breathing would stop each night. But I would be in such an extreme panic that their mere presence and their suggestions for help would become unbearable to endure and cause even greater stress. It was extremely painful to even try to figure out how I could implement the suggested solutions. I began dreading going home each night to sleep; knowing I would wake up suffocating.
As I struggled to uncover the mystery behind this breathing problem, I wondered what could be the cause or causes? Could it be mold in my air ducts at home? Could it be a reaction to health supplements? Could it be a recent bout of bronchitis? Could it be my body grieving over the recent loss of my most dearly beloved Lil' Molly Puppy? Could I be having a nervous breakdown from coping with the infinite multitude of disasters that have rained down on me lately;the horrifying loss of income during the last six years due to the second great economic depression; my roof blowing off in a tropical storm;my house being flooded with rain water; fighting to drag my home out of foreclosure for the 4th time since the economic depression began in 2007; fighting to retrieve my pickup truck from repossession for the 3rd time; watching my beloved America being destroyed by greedy bankers, corporations and a president (who some of my friends seem to worship) but who I see as a filthy, lying dictator who defies our cherished constitution and whose corrupt activities and blatant dishonesty horrify me; could my body finally have had more that it can handle even though I feel I am coping quite well and bravely without worrying? I prayed for relief as I lay in bed each night, unable to breath. But relief never came. And, being a spiritual person, I also wondered if this severe health crisis could be part of a spiritual lesson sent from above. black colored items to wear of the party
I adjusted some things in my surroundings; I eliminated some supplements; I removed some things and still I had bouts of inability to breath.
Then,one night, I had this dream. It was very powerful. I had not had such a spiritually powerful dream in a long time.
I dreamed that I had brought with me a white polo shirt that I was to wear to a special initiation ceremony. Soon, one of my spiritual masters and a few of the master's close ones arrived. As is almost always the case, this master was dressed all in white. And the men who arrived alongside for the ceremony were wearing white polo shirts for the special occasion.
This was to be a very special time for me. I was being initiated into a higher spiritual community. The atmosphere felt rarefied.
First, this master sang directly to me. It was a very seductive song that encompassed and appealed to ALL that I am; from my highest self to my lowest self. All that is Steve was accepted and invited into that which is this master.
The next thing I remember was a game we played. As the illumined spiritual master watched on,three of us men got down on our hands and knees and ran in a circle on the floor like children playing a game. One of the men was dressed in a black bear costume. We other two of us ran from him as he chased us in the circle. We all roared with laughter!!!!!!!!! It was invigorating; enthralling and hilarious. I had not laughed so hard in many, many ages; especially with the then recent loss of my two most beloved, soul-mates; Peter Puppy and Lil' Molly; all the financial hardship I had been enduring; and the inability to proceed with any of my creative project dreams due to lack of funds. There were others in the room who were part of this ceremony. We all laughed and laughed and laughed!!!!!!
Then I happened to glance behind me to lower regions from where I had recently come. I saw recent companions in pain and torture; living in the less happy life from which I had just been plucked. In particular I saw a friend suffering from cocaine addiction. I longed to reach to him and the others to help lift them up to the happiness I was then experiencing. But immediately, I was unable to breath!!!!!!!! As long as I extended my hand in help to them, I would not have the ability to breath! So I was forced to let go of them. I was forced to be unable to help them. I had to be able to breath. After all, I had recently been learning the painful lesson of how horrifying it is to not be able to breath. I was forced to return my attention to my new reality or endure the unbearable pain of suffocation.
Then I woke up laughing heartily!
But my horrifying experience of not being able to breath continued in my waking life.
After 10 weeks of being unable to breath and no doctor being able to help me; I made an appointment with my Russian, Psychic Shaman Healer, with whom I'd not spoken in about 2 years.
His psychic reading and assessment of me was amazing!!!!!!!!!! He saw exactly what had been explained to me in my recent dream of being initiated by one of my spiritual masters into a higher spiritual order. I was dumbfounded as I listened to his discourse on my situation.
My shaman said that I had absolutely no problem with my physical body; no tumors, no parasites; no imbalances; no allergies; no yeast; no infections. He said I had absolutely no problem with my mental body and my spiritual body. He said all my chakras were very strong and bright. But he noticed that my spiritual body was growing so rapidly into higher levels of consciousness; that it was not currently in harmony with the darker world of general humanity that I saw around me. He said my breathing problem came from my rapid spiritual transformation. He suggested that the darkness I saw around me in the physical world and many other members of humanity was a reflection of my subconscious. And his definition of the subconscious is past life karma. He said that my subconscious needed to be cleansed. He suggested that my newly evolved spiritual body was not yet strong enough to stand up and fight the darkness I saw in the physical world around me; to stand it's ground. So he planed to give me a guided meditation to harmonize my spirit with my physical body. He said the disharmony between the two was agitating the thymus gland which sits above the heart and between the lungs. He said this agitation brought blood into the thymus and engorged it; causing the lungs and heart to feel crowded and unable to breath fully. He recommended herbal teas, essential oils and a guided meditation which he would teach to me.
I was amazed that my shaman's explanation was so close to the understanding of this situation i was given in the recent dream of the spiritual master.
Now what medical doctor could have helped me with that explanation????????? I could have spend massive amounts of time and money seeking a physical cure to a spiritual problem!!!!!!!!!
I posted this story online. Somehow my spiritual master came to know of the story and contacted me; letting me know that inability to breath is "common" among those who are growing spiritually. It was explained to me that in rapid spiritual development, higher energies enter the aspirant's body than to what the person is accustomed. These higher energies create chaos in the body which can not channel them; producing the sensations similar to a panic attack. It was suggested that I ask a physician for a prescription for a medication that would calm my nerves. And I was told that if I had another such attack of being unable to breath, the worst that could happen to me is that I would pass out and wake up calmer and more able to breath. It was suggested to me in the letter that passing out was not a very scary thing. But I had to laugh at the bravery of this master, thinking to myself that passing out seems quite scary to me!!!!!!!
Soon, a physician did recommend a prescription for a drug to calm my nerves. It is a drug that is quite inexpensive and seems to produce no side effects in me. It was originally designed to prevent death in those who are severely allergic to bee stings. And it was accidentally discovered to eliminate the problem of inability to breath in a panic attack situation. Several years have passed, and i still take this pill twice daily. It has worked wonders for me. And I never have the breathing problem again as long as I take that pill.
I am so very grateful that my spiritual teacher happened to hear of my situation and reach out to me. And this true teacher was so humble that an apology was extended to me just in case I found the help to be overly forward or intrusive !!!!!!!!! Compare that humility to the many less spiritually evolved souls who constantly want to be over-bearing & superior by telling one their un-requested opinion of what one "should" be doing !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have several persons in my life I consider to be my spiritual masters and none of them forced themselves on me; but rather, accepted me when I asked for their guidance. Contrast that with all those many less evolved souls who forcibly let you know what they think you need to be doing spiritually.